How the Joy of Missing Out became one of the best parts of getting older.
Confession: If you cancel plans with me, please don’t take it personally if I respond with, “No worries!” I probably mean it.
Remember FOMO?
The Fear of Missing Out.
There was a time when I was convinced something amazing was happening somewhere else, and I needed to be there.
Someone invited me to dinner? Yes.
Neighborhood gathering? Of course.
Work happy hour? I’ll be there.
School fundraiser? Sure.
Tennis social? Why not?
Somewhere along the way, my calendar looked like every square had been claimed with a permanent marker. If there was an open spot, I felt obligated to fill it.
Not because I wanted to.
Because…what if I missed something?
Then Something Changed
Somewhere in my 50s, I transitioned from FOMO to JOMO.
The Joy of Missing Out.
The first time I heard the term, I laughed because I realized I had become the poster child.
Not because I’d stopped enjoying people.
Because I’d stopped believing I had to do everything.
The Great Calendar Shift
I think this is one of the unexpected gifts of this season of life.
For years, our calendars belonged to everyone else.
Kids’ activities.
School concerts.
Birthday parties.
Volunteer committees.
Work obligations.
Family gatherings.
Somewhere between raising families, building careers, and trying to be everything to everyone, we got pretty good at saying yes.
Now we finally get to ask a different question.
Do I actually want to do this?
That’s a very different way to make plans.
My Hiking Lesson
During COVID, I found an incredible group of women who hiked together almost every weekend.
We explored new trails, solved the world’s problems somewhere between the trailhead and the summit, and laughed a lot.
It became one of the bright spots of that strange season.
Then life slowly started opening up again.
Weekends became busier.
Travel returned.
Family plans came back.
Work picked up.
I couldn’t spend every Saturday on the trail anymore.
At first, I’d see the pictures afterward.
A mountain lake I’d missed.
A spectacular wildflower hike.
A perfect bluebird day.
Years ago, I probably would’ve thought, “I wish I’d gone.”
Instead, I found myself smiling.
I was genuinely happy they had a wonderful day.
And I was just as happy with the day I’d chosen.
That’s when I realized something.
JOMO isn’t about not wanting to do fun things.
It’s about realizing there are lots of wonderful ways to spend a Saturday.
Sometimes it’s a hike with friends.
Sometimes it’s a trip with family.
Sometimes it’s a tennis match.
Sometimes it’s finally tackling a project you’ve been putting off.
And sometimes…
It’s a great book, a cup of tea, and absolutely no regrets.
Turns out, joy doesn’t come from doing everything.
It comes from loving the thing you chose.
And here’s another unexpected perk…
Sometimes saying no to plans means I finally have time for all the things we’re told we should be doing at this age.
A facial because, apparently, collagen has left the building.
Ten minutes of stretching because my hamstrings seem to have retired before I did.
A board game to keep my brain sharp.
Maybe even a little strength training.
Honestly, aging has become a part-time job.
The funny thing is…I don’t mind.
When I’m not racing from one commitment to the next, those things don’t feel like another item on my to-do list.
They feel like an investment in feeling my best.
And that’s time well spent.
Choosing Better
People sometimes hear JOMO and think it means you’ve become a homebody.
Not at all.
I still love traveling.
I still love tennis.
I still love dinner with friends.
I still love trying new things.
The difference is…
I don’t feel the need to do everything.
I’ve traded quantity for quality.
I’d rather have one unforgettable evening than three obligations.
I’ve learned that saying no to one thing often means saying a wholehearted yes to something else.
And that’s a trade I’ll happily make.
Here’s the Funny Part
The younger version of me would’ve thought turning down plans sounded sad.
The current version of me gets genuinely excited when I realize I have nowhere to be on a Saturday afternoon.
Who knew an empty calendar could feel like a luxury?
Who knew staying home with a great book could feel like winning?
Apparently…the older me.
Here’s to JOMO
Don’t get me wrong.
I still say yes.
To the trips that make my heart race.
To the friends who fill my cup.
To long conversations.
To adventures.
To laughter.
To memories worth making.
But I’ve stopped saying yes out of obligation.
Because this chapter isn’t about being everywhere.
It’s about being exactly where you want to be.
Whether that’s on a mountain trail with friends…
Around the dinner table with family…
Exploring a new city…
Or curled up with a book you can’t put down.
That’s not missing out.
That’s living intentionally.
And I have to say…
It’s one of my favorite parts of getting older.